Tales of the Parodyverse

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killer shrike
Sun Nov 28, 2004 at 04:20:37 pm EST
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Three Families, Part Four
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Three Families, Part Four


In our last installment, the Legionnaire known as Visionary was successful in removing a severely wounded Artemis from police custody while disguised as an agent of the Office of Paranormal Security. Little did they know as he and his associates fled they were being followed by members of the Yakuza Spider Clan, a gang of vicious criminals out to kill Artemis. Meanwhile, Mr. Epitome had struck a deal with the clone of master geneticist Dr. Daio Waltz, convincing her to look for a way to produce a serum that could effectively make a person immortal.


Glory, Mutt of Might, and Artemis, Urban Archer, both rested in the back of the ambulance, each studiously avoiding the other. Hallie noticed the stand off, and decided to inquire.

“Everything OK here, ladies?”

“I’m fine,” Charlotte replied from her stretcher, somewhat dourly.

“I am fine,” Glory reported, “However, Artemis is upset with my presence. I think she is jealous of me.”

“Really?” the AI raised a holographic eyebrow.

“What? What did she say?” the young woman shot a nasty glance at Glory, who continued.

“Yes. Artemis was supposed to become Dominic’s partner and receive the powers that I possess. But something happened to upset that plan.”

“You better not be talking smack about me, bitch,” Charlotte warned.

Visionary, already frustrated with having to drive a vehicle he was unlicensed for in Paradopolis’s evening traffic, objected to what he was hearing, “Hey! Let’s watch the salty language, OK? There are, um, dogs present.”

“I am not offended by the term. Sir Mumphrey calls me a bitch all the time,” Glory explained, “And then there is the aphorism concerning sticks and stones….”

“Shut your yap!”

Hallie once again tried to restore order, “Let’s all relax. Vizh needs to concentrate. We can work on the sibling rivalry issue later.”

“Sibling rivalry?” Visionary asked his friend once the hologram turned back around, “How is that possible?”

“I didn’t know what else to call it,” she whispered back, “It sounds like this Artemis woman has some family ties to Mr. Epitome. Did he mention any of that to you, before you agreed to this nutty scheme?”

“Er, I didn’t actually talk to –Oh, what is this guy’s problem?!” Visionary gestured in frustration to the car in his side view mirror. It had been accelerating towards them in starts and stops, and now the driver had turned on his high beams.

Glory looked back, using her X-ray vision to see into the SUV that was gaining on them. There were five men carrying guns inside.

“Assassins!” she growled, and in a blur of motion smashed through the ambulance’s rear exit and into the vehicle behind them with the force of a wrecking ball.

Visionary swore and struggled to maintain control of the truck. He watched the SUV get the worst of its head on collision with the Dog Dynamo, “What’s going on?!”

“Vizh, look out!” Hallie warned from the passenger seat, as the second car of the Yakuza Spider Clan pulled alongside them and began opening fire.

The ambulance swerved once again, clipping a row of parked cars and driving several pedestrians off the sidewalk.

“Call the mansion!” Visionary told his digitized ally, as he turned down a side street, desperately trying to put some room between themselves and their attackers.

There were sounds of something hitting the roof.

“They jumped!” Artemis shouted, struggling to sit up on her elbows, “They’re on top of the ambulance!”

It didn’t take long for the two Japanese men in black leather jackets to swing down into the ambulance through the hole Glory had made.

Visionary gulped. Grand Theft Auto was never like this.

*****


Aldrich Grey sat in his robe and slippers and took a reluctant drink of his tomato juice. He raised the offending liquid to the camera that directed his image to Mr. Epitome.

“If this pans out, I’ll finally be able to enjoy some vodka with this crap.”

Dominic Clancy smiled under his cowl, “Yes, sir.”

The Star Spangled Splendor was cruising at 45,000 feet in the Epitome Express, on his way back to Paradopolis from his business meeting with the clone of Doctor Moo.

“When are you going to get that freak in the lab?” Grey asked.

“We’re looking at a time table of about 72 hours. Oiad needs to create a cover story so her creator doesn’t get suspicious of her whereabouts. It appears there is tension between the two we may be able to exploit later. Also, I want to beef up our security in Buenos Aires in case either one tries to betray us and make off with Salvage’s genetic sample.”

The Grey Eminence waved him off, “Leave that to Windenhall. I’ve got another assignment for you.”

Epitome grew serious, “Sir, is it an emergency? Because if it can wait, I need to return to Lair Mansion.”

The nonagenarian power broker pressed a few buttons on his command chair. His office’s impressive computer array called up the current particulars of the National Meta Crisis Database. There were no situations of note, “I don’t see any problems on the big board.”

“No, sir.”

“And I know you ain’t keeping secrets, are you, boy?”

“No, sir.”

“Good. Then you need to stop in Persephone and get prepped for a flight to Sweden.”

“What’s in Sweden?”

“Not what: who,” the Grey Eminence sighed and rubbed his face dispiritedly, “We’re going to bring in Exemplary, Dominic. We’ve found him and it’s your job to make the introductions.”

*****


Visionary reached out with one arm and pushed Hallie back against her seat. Then he slammed on the brakes, hoping the sudden stop would send their intruders flying.

No such luck. The two men seemed glued to the floor. He did manage to get Artemis to scream as she was flung wildly in her restraints.

Then the second SUV rear-ended them.

Hallie dematerialized and vaulted to the back of the ambulance, trying to make herself a target for the killers. The two men fired their pistols through her holographic form without effect. The AI reached for the ambulance’s defibrillator, and flipped the switch to power the machine up. Then she drained the battery by blasting one gang member with 5000 volts of borrowed electricity. He collapsed into an unconscious heap.

The other thug was hit by a flying tackle from Visionary. With surprising ease the yakuza pushed the Legionnaire away and aimed his pistol. There was a shot, and Vizh watched in horror as a geyser of blood erupted from the thug's right temple.

I summons Vizh, Hallie, Glory, and Artemis!!

The quartet appeared suddenly in the Lair Legion Living Room. Their summonser began her inquisition.

“OK, I want to know exactly what is going on here. Now,” Lisa said unequivocally. She eyed the strange girl in the hospital gown, “Starting with who is this, and why is she pointing a gun at me?”

*****


Forty minutes later, the amorous advoctrix checked her legal pad with satisfaction. So far she had Visionary for impersonating a law enforcement officer, interfering in a federal investigation, several counts of reckless driving, and leaving the scene of an accident, though, admittedly, that last one was slightly her fault.

“How’s Charlotte?” she asked Hallie as she materialized.

“Nats brought her to the infirmary and got her comfortable. Right now he’s trying to keep Uhuna from healing her until we can get someone to take on her injuries.”

“I’m sure Bill will find some way to occupy her time,” Lisa smiled wickedly.

“Hatman’s gone down to check with Commissioner Graham to find out what they know about the attackers.”

“Good. We’re going to need to come up with a cover story for exactly what Vizh was up to. I don’t like lying to Jay, but if it avoids charges being brought against our fine former leader, it’s got to be done.”

“Can’t you just summons Mr. Epitome and have him explain it?”

Lisa shook her head, “I think whatever he was up to doesn’t have his office’s sanction. We could turn him in, feed him to the wolves, but I’d rather have the information on hand. It may be useful at some point. As for summonsing him,” she looked ready to spit, “I can’t. He’s shielded. And Glory isn’t talking either.”

“She is very upset over what happened,” Hallie offered in explanation.

“Maybe. Just remember whose dog she is, before making blanket statements about her feelings,” Lisa stood, “Don’t need her, though. I’ve got another lead on Epitome’s whereabouts. Fleabot’s making the call as we speak…”

*****


After Fleabot dialed the number he willed his power to shrink to levels he had seldom approached before. Once he had reached protonic size he hitched a ride on a passing atom and rode the electromagnetic waves to meet with his contact.

It took him half a microsecond to reach Badripoor once the party on the other end of the line picked up. He assumed a more presentable size and announced his arrival.

“Alright, Idiom, we need to talk. Where’s your boyfriend?”

Letitia Gahagan put down the receiver and gave the tiny robot a winning smile, “Well, what have we here? Aren’t you just the bee’s knees?”

“I’m a Nazi-designed killing machine, lady,” Fleabot grew slightly larger to emphasize his point.

“You look like you fell off someone’s charm bracelet,” the Idiom offered the mechanical insect a gauntleted finger, which he obligingly hopped up on. Bringing him up to eye level, she continued, “And its ex-boyfriend, incidentally.”

“I don’t have time to keep up with the sundry soap operas that you humans get yourselves into. I’m just here to track the muscle-head down. He left a big mess on the Legion’s doorstep.”

Letitia grew concerned, “Is Charlotte OK?”

“You know about her?”

“E was here when he got the call. She’s his foster daughter, sort of.”

Fleabot snorted, “Yeah, well, he isn’t going to be proclaimed Father of the Year, what with the stunt he pulled.”

“I’m surprised he hasn’t contacted you yet. Something must be wrong. All right, Bugsy, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.”

The Idiom walked over to her lab’s bank of computers. Pressing several buttons, she called a unique wave pattern onscreen, “Epitome’s powers are energy based. The stuff permeates his cells, boosting his abilities. What makes this relevant to us is that it’s possible to detect and track its signature.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep. DARPA, that’s the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, designed sensors for America’s spy satellites to help them keep track of our boy in case he goes off the reservation. So if the Legion knew someone who can, say, hack into the National Reconnaissance Office’s database, they could use those satellites to track E down,” Leitita smiled knowingly, “Anybody like that on the LL’s payroll?”

There certainly was, and Fleabot was more than happy to call her.

*****


Visionary, back in his yellow coat and sweatshirt, poked his head in to the infirmary, “How’s everything going?”

Asil looked up from the desk where she sat, “She’s sleeping. Before Hatman left he used his nurse’s cap to stitch her up and give her something to relieve the pain. How are you?”

“I’m fine. It was just a bump on the head. I just wanted to check in and see how she was, and uh, apologize.”

“Apologize?! What for?”

“For slamming on the brakes like I did. That’s what opened her stitches.”

“I’m sure that’s not your fault,” Asil said determinedly, “but it is so like you to try and take responsibility for it.”

“Yeah, right,” the Legionnaire looked uncomfortable, “She saved me, you know. Shot the guy who was about to shoot me.”

“She did? That’s amazing, given her wounds,” it began to dawn on Asil why the Great Man was so upset, “Is the person she shot, is he dead?”

“I think so, yeah.”

Asil recognized the look in Visionary’s eyes. It was a mixture of guilt and relief and concern that seemed to show up every time he or those he cared about came face to face with the brutal reality of the lives they had chosen. In any other person but the Great Man she would have recognized it as helplessness. But that could not be…

“Would you like a sundae?” she suddenly blurted, “I would like a sundae. Let’s go get one.”

The Legionnaire was confused, momentarily, but he managed to smile, “Sure, Asil. I could go for some ice cream. We need to find someone to watch Artemis, first.”

“Let Lisa do it. All she’s done since you’ve been back is boast about how much trouble you’re in, the awful shrew.”

“Really?” Vizh had a flash of how large his latest legal fees might be because of the day’s events, “Uh, well, maybe we can stay here and make sundaes then.”





Next: Artemis gets a tour of the mansion. Visionary gets a history lesson from Akiko Masamune. And Epitome and Exemplary get reacquainted. Out soon.






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